A Letter For "the IS and the Ought"

A paradigm I learned from The Avett Brothers

There's a moment in the documentary "May It Last" featuring the Avett Brothers and produced/directed by Judd Aptow that I've turned over in my mind countless times, where Scott and Seth discuss this concept of living between "the Is" and "the Ought." It's one of those rare instances where someone articulates something you've felt your entire life but never had the words to express.

"The Is" – who we are in this moment, with all our flaws, struggles, and imperfections. "The Ought" – that idealized version of ourselves we're constantly striving toward, sometimes torturously so. The magic isn't in either extreme, but in that space between them, where real life happens.

I've started to realize that most of my own anxieties and disappointments have come from living too much in "the Ought." Always measuring myself against some impossible standard, some idealized version of who I should be. The Avett Brothers music and philosophy have helped me understand that this tension – this gap between reality and aspiration – isn't something to be eliminated, but rather a space to be explored.

There's something incredibly liberating about this perspective. It suggests that the goal isn't to finally become that perfect version of ourselves, but to find peace and purpose in the eternal dance between who we are and who we might become. If you shoot for "the Ought," you'll likely land somewhere in between – and that's not just okay, it's exactly where we should be.

It's helped me understand that our imperfections, our struggles, our constant reaching for something more – these aren't obstacles to be overcome but rather the very essence of what makes us human. It’s changed how I approach everything: my relationships, my work, my art, my whole way of being in the world.

For that understanding and this paradigm of thinking I’m very grateful.

With love and deep appreciation,

-Andrew