A Letter For JJ Redick

An outpouring stream of honest thoughts in the face of devastation

The devastating fires in Los Angeles and the surrounding areas have been harrowing for me. In 2017 we lived in Thousand Oaks CA up on the mountainside in a quaint little neighborhood. That December we found ourselves sitting in our living room look out across the Simi Valley and nearly everywhere around us was covered in wildfires across 4 different concurrent fires, much like the ones this week. At the time these fires where the largest wildfires in the history of California.

The view from my drive home from work that night

I vividly remember a few things from that moment:

• Running around our house frantically taking pictures of important items for two reasons:

1. To remember them

2. To have evidence for insurance in case we lost everything

The actual picture of my bike I took that night - my most valuable personal possession

• Having to make split second decisions on what things to put in our truck that were important enough to bring with us

• How time slowed down and the sheer fear and chaos of the moment (it happened so fast) led to an immense focus

• Feeling so helpless, especially by the fact that things were moving so fast and our neighbors were telling us how bad of a place we were, isolated on the mountainside with only one road out to safety. If the fire(s) jumped that road we may not be able to get out with traffic and all that

• How quickly material things became immaterial.

• Pulling over to the shoulder of the highway and jumping out of my truck coming home from Sports Academy to help put out a car fire in a beater Honda Accord before a fire truck could arrive. My only thought being: “This is the fire that starts that burns our community down, I HAVE to do something.

The picture I took of the car fire that I posted to Twitter to alert the fire department

We were lucky. So so many people and families and communities weren’t.

Today when I saw this video of JJ Redick, the Los Angeles Lakers Head Coach, all those memories came flooding back as I witnessed him choking back tears and the emotions of the moment.

The way my mind works is sometimes like a fully immersive movie theater. When I fully realize the feelings I’m feeling a movie starts playing in my head. All those memories I listed above just came streaming through.

JJ is turning himself inside out talking to the press here. I’m sure none of it was planned or thought about prior to him giving these comments, his feelings and thoughts are just streaming out of him raw, unfiltered, but measured.

I know I have people in my phone right now that lost everything. I’m too scared to text and reach out. I don’t think my checking-in will do any good and I feel undeserving to get an answer in the midst of the devastation they might be feeling. I think deep down I also just don’t want to get the response back that I fear the most for them. It would be paralyzing to me, even though I can recognize how cowardly that is and how unimportant I am in the moment.

Crushing.

It’s hard to have any gratitude in a moment like this. My best attempt is to be thankful for how JJ so masterfully communicated his true feelings outward so that we can maybe reflect on how it might feel to lose everything. How it might feel to make a decision for your family that you maybe regret later in a moment like this because it led to you losing everything. How it might feel to grapple with trying to recover and move on from utter devastation. I know we are resilient beings that can overcome the greatest depths of awfulness, but sometimes it just feels really fucking tough.

With love and deep appreciation,

-Andrew